A “Two’s Compliment”: Why most relationships fail.


Now is a good time for me to get on top of the proverbial “Soap Box”, being that recent months’ experiences have helped open my eyes even wider to a very common problem today. – Namely that of relationship that fall apart, whether suddenly or over time.

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We, as a species, were once very much in harmony with Nature; Her cycles and multitudinous events and experiences. This was well-reflected in our societies (most of them were fairly small – by today’s standards). The “family” was all important, and was the basis and foundation of the strength and cohesiveness of the community (or “village”, if you will). We are not talking about more socialism or any other “ism” by what we may think we know of these ideals under; I am speaking of the Natural tendency of the human specie, like many other of Nature’s more-gregarious creatures, to feel in harmony with one another. Most of the very early cultures relied upon every able-bodied, well-minded community member to participate in the day-t-day goings on of the community. Their survival was dependent on it.

This Natural tendency to share what we can affordably give up to another in need or desirous of what we have to offer, is often seen in our youngest members – well before the societal conditioning sets in. – We hear many tales of the “Innocence of Babes” (even though today’s “church” may disagree otherwise) and the images of the ever-youthful looking angels or “cherubim”; The perfect symbolism of a child’s simplicity in thinking and genuineness of feeling.

We also practiced our social skills, daily, by communicating and sharing of ourselves with one another – with some over-bearing “laws”, “codes of conduct”, and regulations lorded over us by “the book”. This was very much a natural consequence of being a social creature. There was very little to be gained by being “opportunistic” over and above one another. This was also done out of love and compassion for the other, regardless what perceived “social status” one may have in his/her village.

As another important part of Natural Law, even in human societies, “Survival of the Species” required that if we, as a species, was to continue to exist in this world, there was need for partnering with another who will eventually become our partner in life, and who will be a part of the children yet to come. It took TWO parents to raise and teach healthy children, who also would be of “sound mind”, and able to care for themselves when their time came to explore the world as a “grown-up”. The parents contributed the finest of his AND her energies and life lessons so that the children may grow up fully knowledgeable and well-prepared to “take the reigns” of life into their own hands. This required a considerable amount of dedicated sharing and strengthening of the relationships in a balanced fashion.

Each parent (to be?) has different strengths and weaknesses that compliment where the other is an adequate match: The One’s weakness is complimented by the Other’s strength. Now, notwithstanding that we all have our own private desires, we still can acknowledge a balance between “self-interests” and the interests in and with the other. It is through learning this “balancing act”, based on our own experiences, that we learn to be malleable in our behaviors and interactions with others, as part of evolving ourselves into the capable and wiser being as we age. All successful relationships require a certain amount of understanding in the “give-and-take” aspect, and its optimal balance for a particular relationship to work well.

Then, there is also the commitment to keep the relationship alive, growing, evolving, and become ever more beautiful with each passing day. The rewards experienced by the participants often far outweigh the continued, genuine effort invested into said relationship. When commitment is high, the relationship most-usually prospers and remains strong, against many external pressures and resistances.

Much of what I see, today, (to include what I have recently experienced) is where there is more being given by one side, and taken by the other. When the commitment of even only one of the participants begins to quiver and shift towards more self-interest, the strength of the relationship is highly in question. Oftentimes, where acute self-interest becomes the “invader”, the stronger commitment to “self” – at the expense of love of the other – becomes the destroyer. What often follows, the secrecy, lies, and other forms and means of hiding the true reality of the nature of the relationship: “On weak ground, and possibly doomed to failure.” Much of today’s “household problems” come from problems in the equality and quality of the relationship: Much of the obvious – materialism, consumerism, institutionalized obsolesence, “easy money”, and a plethora of modern societal ills.

I guess I can say that my former relationship was a classic example.

If we are to ever regain our individual and societal strengths, as what was experienced by our ancestors, we need to take a good look at what we are willing to commit to, and what ideas and goals mean more to us – in the longer term. Relationship take time to establish, and more time to strengthen. They also take constant effort, and reassessment of our priorities concerning the on-going relationship. Many of today’s distractions (as they should be apropriately referred to) are constant attacks on our own state of being and upon our chances of maintaining healthy, thriving relationships. Is there any reason, other than what I have illustrated, for there being a commonness of single-parent households? Is there any other rational explanation for the high divorce rates across the great land of ours? It also comes as no surprise, that in the flurry of legislation that virtually outlaws in-the-work-place romances and relationships, there are many more pressures against forming viable relationships and perhaps the chances of future families. Many a marriage and resulting families started with forming relationships, between two consenting adults, at the place most convenient for meeting such a perspective partner.

However, the “hyper-consumerism” beat goes on and on. The flow of “easy money” and easy credit all but add to the problems. If we are to regain our former stability and strength as a society (and as a “nation”), we seriously need to reevaluate our condition! If we are unwilling, in mass numbers, to commit to the basic principles that successful, enduring relationships need, we simply become nothing more “self-isolationists”, guided by the “needs and wants” of now: Ever-changing in character, and never enduring. The so-called experts’ demogoguery: “The Family is an outdated idea of man’s prehistoric, barbaric days” becomes a reality, because we helped make it a reality.

So, what about the children ? ? ?

If the children continue to be reared in such “altered states of households”, where do they, then, learn about the finest that humanity, and human society, can offer? Where do they learn to become “Human”, and successful humans at that ? ? ? Where and when will they learn what it takes to form successful, natural bonds with one another; Bonds that may become new families, and the “Promises of Tomorrow” for mankind ? ? ?

 

– Rev. Dragon’s Eye
Founder and Chief-Elder Dragon,
TEMPLE OF THE ANCIENT DRAGONS

 

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